There is no "secret" to life. There is no such thing as a "law" of attraction. You can't be anything you want to be and you can't "have it all". There have been a plethora of popular New Age books touting the myth that we create our own reality and thus can heal any affliction, draw to ourselves a perfect mate, and have fabulous, successful, and abundant lives. They have sold millions of copies because they pander to a population looking for quick-fixes and snap your fingers solutions.
The real truth about life is that it is fraught with difficulties, challenges, huge disappointments and heartbreaking losses. From time to time there are also moments of great joy, robust laughter, deep connection to other living creatures and feelings of sheer contentment. But it's a mixed bag. This is Earth, folks, what one of my friends once referred to as a "hard-ball" planet. Aldous Huxley posed the question as to whether this was some other planet's "Hell". I suggest that we view it as more of a "purgatory", a place we must pass through to be refined and redeemed and thus to have earned our admission to "Heaven". Of course I am speaking of these spiritual domiciles not as "places' in the material sense but as states of consciousness.
Life is an on-going, evolutionary journey toward ever increasing levels of awareness, maturity and the capacity to truly love. It is typically a slow and gradual process, more like crawling through the mud on your belly than soaring through the air on gossamer wings. Personal progress is often hard won, a few feet of land captured from trench to trench in a raging battle.
We don't win every war.We don't ever get out of it alive.
The idea that we are in control of everything is an illusion but it appeals to the nature of Ego, with its insatiable appetite for dominance and its unquenchable thirst for safety and security. Of course we would like to believe we're in charge, call the shots, and can know all the outcomes. To the Ego surrendering control means living bare naked, vulnerable and susceptible to the slings and arrows of misfortune. It means expecting the worst and fearing the end. It is not the "American way"!
Fortunately, there is way to forge a truce between oneself and one's life, despite the plain truth that sometimes life sucks. And that is to accept its true nature. It is a dance between destiny and free will and it is in the latter that our own choices matter. We are dealt a certain hand but we alone decide how to play that hand. In this regard we are in control of our own reality, to do all we can with what we've been given.
Finally, some really good news! When we accept our fate and our responsibility to rise to its challenge all while surrendering our need to control it, hidden forces step in and guide us to solutions and outcomes we'd have never dreamed possible. If we but trust in a power greater than our own illusory command.